10 Ways To Kill Eclair Tonnere
by KTdidn'tIsweartogod
Summary: ok so i watched the ladt eps of ohshc for the 1,000,000 time and i still got pissed at Eclair so i thought i was gonna take her out and i thought of 10 ways to do it srry if youre a fan of her or something but it is rated t for semi gory ness
1. 10 ways to kill eclair tonnere

10 ways to kill Éclair Tonnere:

Light her on fire.

Put arsenic in her tea.

Drop her off the academy clock tower.

Tell Honey she stole his cake.

Have a tire hit her face.

Buy a machine gun and shoot her.

Let angry Tamaki x Haruhi fangirls at her.

Borrow Light's death note and write her name in it

Stab her repeatedly.

Throw her into the shark tank and show her Tamaki x Haruhi fan art

Haruhi: teach her to take my Tamaki!

Kaitie: Hell Yea!

Tamaki: uh Haruhi why do you have a machine gun?

Kaitie: * Grabs some kerosene* ok Haruhi did u steal Honey's cake?

Haruhi: yea and I got the car crash ready the fangirls are set and Kyouya ordered a shark tank!

Kaitie: good I borrowed lights death note so we are ready let's go take this bitch out!

Haruhi: come on fangirls!

(Angry mob of Tamaki x Haruhi fangirls show up)

2 Hours later

Mom: what did you do today?

Me: I killed Éclair Tonnere!

Mom: you killed someone?

Me: no, no mom she is a fictional character ok?

Mom: ok!


	2. Light Her on Fire

Light her on fire.

Ok well HELLO it's me Kikyo Cockerham and I was looking at all of your wonderful reviews and I noticed my 10 ways to kill Éclair story is most reviewed. And I also saw that hellhound14 suggested I explain how to do these things so I happily decided that I would add these as extra chapters and I will try to finish these quickly expect one monthly at least sorry I have ADHD so I have trouble concentrating and that's why my chapter stories are inconsistent! Anyway this is how I would light her on fire!

Light her on fire.

I sneaked into the Tonnere mansion late at night right before Éclair took her bath. I then found the maid that was preparing her bath and knocked her out. I then dressed up as a maid. So I could then go make Éclair's kerosene bath. I then made sure to light a candle next to her bath but then the maid I had knocked out found me and drained the bath then had security kick me out. So step one was a fail.

Next: Put arsenic in her tea

BYE!


	3. Put Aresinic in Her Tea

Put Arsenic in Her Tea

This one is a little sooner than I thought it would be but I have terrible writers block all my stories have come to a complete stand still so I was going through looking at stuff I could fix then I remembered this and decided it was worth a go. I do not own Éclair if I did every single one of these things would happen to her and she would die very slowly and painfully! I also do not own arsenic sadly but I do own tea! I'm drinking it right now! Here is your story:

I walked to her house slowly in my awesome black suit. I snuck into her house and stayed hiding in the shadows. I pulled the bottle out of my pocket that's when I heard the most beautiful sound ever! I looked at where the sound was coming from it was Tamaki – Senpai's mom! I growled lightly then dropped my bottle which spilled everywhere I frowned. Just then I was picked up I looked behind me and saw a really tall security guard. He threw me out . Step 2; put arsenic in her tea was a fail!

Next up:

Drop her off the academy clock tower!

Until next time!


	4. Drop her off the Academy Clock Tower

Drop her off the Academy Clock Tower

Two done in one day yeaaaaaaaahhh this might be my first complete story soon isn't that great? Oh and guys I'm working on my story Kyouya's angels but I'm not really sure what mystery it should be hmm got any ideas? Hers this chapter:

"Hey Éclair" Haruhi called as I waited on the top of the clock tower. "Yes Haruhi?" Éclair asked Haruhi motioned Éclair to follow her. "you see that girl up there?" asked Haruhi before Éclair could answer Mori walked up and picked me up off the tower. "HEEEEEEEYYY!" I yelled at him and started pounding my fists into his back grunting he walked inside. Step three was an utter fail!

Step 4:

Tell Honey she stole his cake.


	5. Tell Hunny She Stole Usa Chan

Tell Hunny She Stole Usa – Chan

Anyway number 3 in one day I'm on a role! I changed to Usa – Chan and you'll see why well no you'll read why! Now read:

Mori put me down when we got in to music room three. I started crying actually. "Why are you crying Kai-Chan?" asked Hunny – senpai I looked up and grabbed his rabbit. I started running as fast as I could go and Hunny – Senpai chased after me. I ran up the clock tower stairs to where Haruhi and Éclair where still standing that's when he jumped on me. Grabbing his rabbit then beating me up. I started crying again. "evil bunny boy" I murmured Haruhi helped get to the nurses office. Step 4 was a very painful fail very, very, VERY pain full fail. So painful in fact that Haruhi has to carry out the next one OWW!

Next:

Have a tire hit her face

GOOD LUCK HARU – CHAN!


	6. Have A Tire Hit Her Face

Have a Tire Hit her Face

Woah I am really on a roll ok so this from Haruhi's point of View ok if you don't know why read the last chapter! Here you go:

I watched as Kyouya – Senpai removed the tire from the car. "Go get her Haruhi" he said to me and hands me the tire. I walked outside to where Hikaru and Kouru put the Catapult. Hikaru toke the tire from my hand and put it in the sling part of the machine. "Which room is she in?" asked Kouru I pointed to the room that we all three knew was music room 3. Hikaru hit the switch that released the tire and we watched it go through the window when then heard a shrilly scream then saw Tamaki – Senpai look out the window his face was swollen. "Uhoh" said Kouru and we all started running. That was a fail.

Next:

Buy a Machine Gun and Shoot her


	7. Buy A Machine Gun and Shoot Her

Buy a Machine Gun and Shoot her

This one has two parts ok now here we go:

Haruhi's P.O.V

I walked into the gun shop. Why did she even have a license? I grab the gun then pay for it. Really the just let me I walked off to the academy.

My P.O.V

I smiled as I grabbed the gun from Haruhi. "Can you even shoot?" she asked I turned to her the gun didn't have a scope unfortunately. I started to think about this I can't shoot people to save my life not even Éclair and what if I miss I dropped the gun. "Haruhi I don't feel so well anymore eh you do it!" she shook her head. "I can't shoot!" I whined "Just do the next one then!" she said I nodded ok then dropped the gun "Let's Run!" she nodded and we ran for the hills. Step 6 was a fail We suck at killing people don't we

_**Sorry guys this one isn't really funny. But I really just lost inspiration next one will be better hopefully oh and we probably would look suspicious with a machine gun so we had to run. Really we suck at this next is:**_

_**Let angry Tamaki x Haruhi fangirls at her**_

1


	8. Let Angry TamakixHaruhi Fangirls At her

Let angry Tamaki x Haruhi fangirls at her

**I hope this one is better than the last one! Dudes I have been battling illness like no tomorrow upside due to lack of eating I have lost weight! So yeah I got bronchitis then I find out I have phenomena then dudes I start sleeping till like 4:00pm. I have just felt awful but today I decided to write a little so yea! With great pleasure I present to you: Let Angry Haruhi x Tamaki Fangirls At Her.**

"Attack!" screamed Haruhi as several fangirls ran at Éclair. Well that was what was supposed to happen instead several of the girls ended up sick with the flu unable to attend Kikyo Cockerham and Haruhi Fujioka were forced to take their places. "On three we-"started Haruhi but suddenly both girls were picked up. "Oh um hey Knuckles how are the kids?" asked Kikyo hoping for sympathy since she was still a little sore from Hunny attacking her. All Knuckles the body guard did was grunt then threw them away from the house."We just suck at killing someone don't we?" said Haruhi Kikyo nodded "We do." "Time to go to Light Yagami." Said Kikyo Haruhi started laughing. "His last name backwards is I'm a gay!" said Haruhi.

"Next IS borrow the Death Note from I'm a gay!"


	9. Borrow Light's Death Note

Borrow Light's Death Note

I sighed as I stood over Light Yagami I held her picture infront of him. Haruhi walked in eating an éclair the smell lingered around the room.

"Light just write it already jeez!" I yelled at him

"I have to have the image in my head alright, god. Someone's on their period" he retorted

"Say that again bastard?" I growled he rolled his eyes and started writing down Éclair's name. I smirked soon she would be gone! Suddenly about forty seconds after he wrote it Haruhi's éclair exploded. I stared at it 'No, God no' was what I thought. Light had been thinking of the food éclair not Éclair Tonnere.

"Damn you Éclair!" I cried as I walked out of his room. I pulled out the list and crossed it off.

Éclair: 8

Kaitie: 0

I sighed "next we stab her shouldn't be too hard knowing our luck we'd fail though"


	10. Stab Her to Death

Stab her to Death

Haruhi walked towards me a fake smile plastered on her face, I groaned inwardly. 'What the hell is wrong now?'

"Hey Haruhi did you get the knives?" I asked she nodded

"I got butter knives!" she said pulling out the dull objects I stared at her 'Really?' I sighed.

"Ok let's see this works out" I said calmly I walked to Éclair's when I got inside I started to try and cut her with it she only got bruised. By the time I had gotten close to hurting her I got thrown out.

"So uhh that didn't work…" Haruhi stuttered I smiled eerily

"Come here" I said

"No" she said shaking her head

"It's ok I won't hurt you"

"You're lying"

"Come here now!" I screamed she started running and I ran after her I am seriously at my wits end…

Next the finale Throw her into a shark tank and show her Haruhi x Tamaki fan art… better yet the real thing….

((Last one so I'll give a special surprise))


	11. Sorry

Hey guys I'm Sorry I' haven't updated lately sorry. I was working on a really long one for you but the file is lost and I just don't feel like starting over gomen. Please be patient until I can find the flash drive the file is on same goes for all my other stories I haven't been able to work on because of that lose but soon I swear I'll get on it soon!~ Wow Fanfiction net has really changed since I was away huh? Well anyway I hope you can hold out a little longer.


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